Several years ago, Victoria and I were facing a challenge that almost derailed our engagement. By some definitions I was addicted to porn, but I was uncomfortable with that label; it didn’t help me in understanding myself any better and I wasn’t sure that it was true. Yet I could see that Victoria was really upset about it and that mattered to me. She was torn between her love for me and her concern for the harm she believed could be caused by pornography. I didn’t want my actions to be a source of pain for her and she didn’t want to restrict my choices, but we also knew that if we compromised ourselves to prop up our relationship our connection wouldn’t last.
I asked Victoria to stick with me while I tried to understand what was so important to me about my attraction to porn. We committed to be open and honest with each other while we searched for answers. Why was I so drawn to porn? Why was it so upsetting for her?
We read books and scoured the internet. There were lots of explanations, anecdotal evidence, and one-sided arguments for and against pornography, but we found nothing that provided the answers we were looking for. We were only getting more confused until we stumbled upon this clarifying wisdom. “Viewing porn is an attempt to meet some basic needs. The upset and confusion is a sign there are needs also going unmet. Identifying and clearly understanding those needs, met and unmet, will give you the knowledge and awareness you need to make choices you feel good about.”
Although we didn’t fully understand it, this wisdom made sense to us and gave us hope that we could unravel our tangled emotions. But we were in uncharted territory; we could find no one who had approached the issue of pornography in this way. As our understanding grew and we discussed the subject with others, we realized there were many who could benefit as we did from this approach.
And so the idea behind this book was born. It chronicles our struggles and setbacks, as well as our progress and the discoveries we made about ourselves. We now enjoy a connection that is happier and more satisfying than we ever thought possible. We hope our book, Love and Pornography, will be helpful to you.
You may email us directly at: firstname.lastname@example.org