Comments on: Does your partner look at porn? http://gethelpwithporn.com Dealing with Porn and Saving your Relationship Tue, 22 Mar 2011 18:16:49 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Nicole http://gethelpwithporn.com/help-with-porn/does-your-partner-look-at-porn/comment-page-1/#comment-272 Nicole Sun, 21 Nov 2010 22:06:26 +0000 http://gethelpwithporn.com/?page_id=17#comment-272 Katie- I know you published your comment some months ago but I thought it couldn't hurt for me to still reply. I actually went through something similar. My boyfriend and I were long distance and I found out he was looking at porn. At first I tried to just ask him to cut back and tried to be ok with it. I even tried watching it with him but as it started to affect me emotionally in our relationship I asked him to stop and he said he would. I was skeptical like you, especially when i noticed he had set the browser to delete history upon exiting the page. I would try to trust him but always broke down and would intermittently ask if he was still looking at porn, which he of course denied and all I could do was try to trust him. 3 years later, we were finally in the same city and we moved in together and I unexpectedly discovered he had looked up pornographic images on his computer (he couldn't delete the history as it was his work computer). I completely broke down and my emotions came flooding out. He and I talked about it for hours and seeing how much pain he caused me he said he would never do it again and that he would be more open with me. That was about 8 months ago and a few nights ago it got brought up that he is having difficulty fighting the urges to look at porn. I am lucky that he is open to talk to me but the conversation hurts so much. In order for me to emotionally feel closer to him again I will have to gain understanding of why he did what he did and why it is difficult for him to stop- and more importantly that it is not my fault or anything to do with me- that is what I struggle with the most. However, one good thing out of it is that I have come to realize is that the initial breach of trust 8 months ago was never fully dealt with and was somewhat causing a riff between us emotionally and sexually. I think it would be good for you to try to find a better understanding of it as well so that you don't lose yourself or your boyfriend to it. He has to be willing to be open with you too and open to understanding how you feel about porn. I think the whole secrecy of it is part of what excites men but also damages the relationship. I wish I had a way to contact you- I really hope you guys have been able to get through this! We ourselves are trying to seek answers and I don't mean to say that all men lie or that it makes them bad people (my fiance is above and beyond wonderful in every other aspect of him) but I understand how you feel and if you are still questioning that he looks at it, there is probably unfinished business in healing that trust and discussing porn more openly. I wish you the best! I am also open to any guidance anyone has to offer for what steps we should take next. I feel so angry and hurt and don't know how to even talk about it as we only end in argument. We both want help, we just don't know where to start first or what type of counselor to seek? Katie- I know you published your comment some months ago but I thought it couldn’t hurt for me to still reply. I actually went through something similar. My boyfriend and I were long distance and I found out he was looking at porn. At first I tried to just ask him to cut back and tried to be ok with it. I even tried watching it with him but as it started to affect me emotionally in our relationship I asked him to stop and he said he would. I was skeptical like you, especially when i noticed he had set the browser to delete history upon exiting the page. I would try to trust him but always broke down and would intermittently ask if he was still looking at porn, which he of course denied and all I could do was try to trust him. 3 years later, we were finally in the same city and we moved in together and I unexpectedly discovered he had looked up pornographic images on his computer (he couldn’t delete the history as it was his work computer). I completely broke down and my emotions came flooding out. He and I talked about it for hours and seeing how much pain he caused me he said he would never do it again and that he would be more open with me. That was about 8 months ago and a few nights ago it got brought up that he is having difficulty fighting the urges to look at porn. I am lucky that he is open to talk to me but the conversation hurts so much. In order for me to emotionally feel closer to him again I will have to gain understanding of why he did what he did and why it is difficult for him to stop- and more importantly that it is not my fault or anything to do with me- that is what I struggle with the most. However, one good thing out of it is that I have come to realize is that the initial breach of trust 8 months ago was never fully dealt with and was somewhat causing a riff between us emotionally and sexually. I think it would be good for you to try to find a better understanding of it as well so that you don’t lose yourself or your boyfriend to it. He has to be willing to be open with you too and open to understanding how you feel about porn. I think the whole secrecy of it is part of what excites men but also damages the relationship. I wish I had a way to contact you- I really hope you guys have been able to get through this! We ourselves are trying to seek answers and I don’t mean to say that all men lie or that it makes them bad people (my fiance is above and beyond wonderful in every other aspect of him) but I understand how you feel and if you are still questioning that he looks at it, there is probably unfinished business in healing that trust and discussing porn more openly. I wish you the best! I am also open to any guidance anyone has to offer for what steps we should take next. I feel so angry and hurt and don’t know how to even talk about it as we only end in argument. We both want help, we just don’t know where to start first or what type of counselor to seek?

]]> By: Katie http://gethelpwithporn.com/help-with-porn/does-your-partner-look-at-porn/comment-page-1/#comment-71 Katie Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:29:23 +0000 http://gethelpwithporn.com/?page_id=17#comment-71 Hi there The issue i am having is that i found out my partner had been watching it a lot last summer after having the internet for 3 months. He had been texting me to say he was going to bed two hours or so before the times I found on his PC showing he'd been on a porn website. We do not live together and when I found the porn, he just said he would stop watching it and that I had nothing to worry about as he wasnt addicted to it. He still swears now that he doesnt watch it, but since then he has set his internet history to delete on exit of the net so it keeps no records. I feel so guilty that I don't believe him, and I think I don't believe him because this was not something i asked him to do and it seems unrealistic to me that he would just stop watching it when he had been watching it every night we were not together. He said he did it because he does not feel comfortable with texting/calling me to tell me he is horny, so watched it online, but i'd rather he involved me. I'm finding it hard as each time I bring it up he gets more exhasperated as he has promised he is not watching it, but he lied to me so well before, I know some trust has gone. Perhaps it does not help also that all internet forums and friends say is that 'all men watch porn'. So I feel as though if I was to believe he had stopped, that he would be some amazing exception of a guy. The issue is trust and i know that, but I just don't know how to address it. I want to trust that he tells me the truth. Hi there

The issue i am having is that i found out my partner had been watching it a lot last summer after having the internet for 3 months. He had been texting me to say he was going to bed two hours or so before the times I found on his PC showing he’d been on a porn website. We do not live together and when I found the porn, he just said he would stop watching it and that I had nothing to worry about as he wasnt addicted to it. He still swears now that he doesnt watch it, but since then he has set his internet history to delete on exit of the net so it keeps no records. I feel so guilty that I don’t believe him, and I think I don’t believe him because this was not something i asked him to do and it seems unrealistic to me that he would just stop watching it when he had been watching it every night we were not together. He said he did it because he does not feel comfortable with texting/calling me to tell me he is horny, so watched it online, but i’d rather he involved me. I’m finding it hard as each time I bring it up he gets more exhasperated as he has promised he is not watching it, but he lied to me so well before, I know some trust has gone. Perhaps it does not help also that all internet forums and friends say is that ‘all men watch porn’. So I feel as though if I was to believe he had stopped, that he would be some amazing exception of a guy. The issue is trust and i know that, but I just don’t know how to address it. I want to trust that he tells me the truth.

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