Reviews and Testimonials

Reviews

This book is a stunningly honest and in-depth account of one couple’s struggle with their radically different attitudes about the use of porn in their marriage. It is insightful for anyone unfamiliar with this issue and immensely useful for any couple whose relationship is affected by porn. Compellingly written, it will leave you cheering for this brave couple and inspired to work through any of your own similar conflicts. — Susan Page, author, How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and Why Talking Is Not Enough

This book is an amazing account of a couple struggling with a very real modern day dilemma. More than that, it demonstrates through their own story, love, courage and communication. You could replace the word “Pornography” with many other issues that challenge couples and learn a lot from this work. Victoria and Garry share their vulnerability so that others may benefit from their dedication to the process of Nonviolent (or open-hearted) Communication. Bravo!!!!!!!! — Canada Michelle (Amazon review)

This book fell into my lap and I was amazed by how helpful and relevant it was to me even though porn is not a topic in my relationship. At the beginning I was caught up with the question of whether he would stop looking at porn or not. As the book unfolded I was less and less interested in the outcome and more and more interested in what I could learn about dialogue in intimate relationships. This book truly transcends it’s supposed subject matter to reveal so many insights about awareness and honest communication. Anyone in a committed relationship ( which is most of us at some point in our lives ) can benefit from reading this. It offers a road map to a radically courageous and non-judgemental way to approach difficult issues between partners. I cannot recommend it enough to anyone wanting to work with the challenges of deeply relating to another person in an open, compassionate and loving way. – Ann E. Wolman, Asheville, NC (Amazon review)

This book is a wonderful exploration of an ongoing dialogue between two people in close relationship. While it offers wonderful support for dealing with the issue of porn, for me it was an honest navigation of a difficult, highly charged issue, and porn happened to be the topic. For anyone who has made the choice to practice living in nonviolent communication with their partner, this is absolutely required reading. I so appreciate the honesty and vulnerability evident in the thoughts and feelings expressed by each party. Grateful to read a book that touches the heart and mind of both the male and female. — Jocelyn, Sedona, AZ (Amazon review)

I was inspired reading how Victoria and Garry worked with the issue of pornography without falling into blame and shame. Instead, they explored their feelings and the needs each was hoping to meet. This process added to the intimacy, honesty and integrity in their relationship. I especially enjoyed the sections where each of them told what was going on inside and the dialogues between the two of them. The book gives real life examples of approaching a difficult situation from the point of view that everything we do is trying to meet needs. I took away a clearer sense of how to use that in my own life and a longing to enter relationships from this compassionate place. — Colorado Chispa, Boulder, CO (Amazon review)

Testimonials

Even before the manuscript was completed, we began to hear encouraging comments from reviewers of sample chapters. Some even asked if they could pass the chapters on to friends and clients.

“I wish I had this book before I got divorced.”

“What a privilege it is to read through this project of your heart.  I have loads of reactions and the one that is most alive for me in the moment is incredible excitement!  Your ability to articulate so clearly the process that you and Garry have gone through is a wonderful and very provoking gift to me as a reader — and will be to others who read it.”

“Garry must be some courageous guy- how wonderful that he is going with you into this project, fully open to the unknown of where it’s going – except both of you wanting to share what it has done for you and your partnership.  Wow!  I love that your partnership is that open and that transparent, and full of courage and commitment to sharing the excitement and the risk – Wow again!”

“I wanted to share with you a wonderful experience I had today that I attribute directly to our conversations and to your influence on my life.  A client brought up for the first time that her partner has been looking at porn on the internet.  She was filled with fear, pain and judgment—mostly toward herself, seeing his use of porn as a demand for her to change her sexual behavior with him, or as a statement about her own attractiveness.  After empathizing with her pain around this, we were able to explore other stories about his use of porn.  I shared with her that I knew someone who was working on a book on this very subject, and she was able to begin considering the possibility that needs of his were getting met, other than his being “sick” and “pathological.”  Seeing her opening and softening to this possibility was so beautiful and I felt your presence so strongly in our session.  I am so grateful for the work you are doing, your passion and your clarity, and for the grace that it is bringing to my community, my own heart and my world.”